Sunday, June 29, 2014

When Do You Know You Aren't In Love Anymore?

Is it when you say, 'I hate you,' stop communicating, run around on each other, or is it because you just gave up?   There's a thin line between hate and love, so it would be something that could go either way.  Although, it's not uncommon for you to really dislike your spouse one minute and love them the next. 

Communication is always important, but even then it's still possible to still love someone and not communicate as much as you once did.  Usually, it's a sign of taking each other for granted.  Sometimes all it takes is finding a new interest to do together to start you talking to one another. 

Even if one spouse runs around on the other it doesn't mean they don't love you; they might just be a little bored with you, or you're not providing something they need.  A couple like this could work it out if they want to. 

Giving up is the most common reason for why marriages don't last.  People get mad and they quit working at their marriage.  It's so much easier to quit on a relationship than to work at it, and I guarantee it takes work in any relationship. 

There are times when you can't love someone anymore.  For instance, someone you love turns out to be abusive; it's time to get out then.  Your partner murders another person; it's time to get out. 
In my new soon to be released short story, All Bets Are Off, the heroine has a gambling addiction, which nearly costs her husband his business.  Would you still love someone who did that to you?

Could you trust them again? 

Thank you for reading.  Have a great week, and I'll see you next Sunday.

Sandra K. Marshall, Author
@ Eirelander Publishing


Kari Rogers Miller said...

Good post Sandy!As you said, abuse, murder, etc are cause for getting out of the marriage for sure.

As for gambling away a future...It would be difficult to love someone who you felt betrayed you and difficult to trust them again....however, if you are in the marriage fully committed, as I believe you should be...your vows are through sickness and in health etc....and any addiction is a sickness....

BUT, if your spouse is not wanting to "get better", refuses help...that is a completely different story. Even If the spouse would still take a long time of "proving oneself" to be trustworthy again...

One can forgive...but oftentimes one never forgets.

Kari Rogers Miller said...

I just realized I only answered your question regarding gambling addiction.

When do you know you aren't in love anymore?

Sometimes, there comes a time when one might find themselves just not "in love" with "love" anymore. (they still love their spouse...just not "in love")....that is the time to get creative, dig for that dying ember and rekindle their love, do whatever it takes to get that fire burnin' again. ;)

There seems to be a pattern that if a divorce is immanent...there is someone already waiting in the shadows...and that is another betrayal!

When do you know? that is difficult to say.

If it is sneaking up on can work on it.

If it blasts you in the face, it most likely will take a lot of forgiving, but it can be worked out.

Your Thoughts?

Edie Ramer said...

I have a relative whose husband had a gambling problem, and their daughter manages the money now, doling out the money to them.

For me, because I'm frugal, I might have left him. But my husband is as frugal as I am. Our problems would be something else - and we've had some and have stuck together.

We write love stories, but we're humans, and we change with time. And love can change to hate or dislike or just boredom. There are some things that would cause me to walk away from someone I loved. I would maybe feel sorrow - but no reqret.

Sandy said...

Kari, both of your comments were wonderful. Yes, all addictions are illnesses, and you're right the person has to be willing to give it up.

I, also, agree with the comment about being in love, actually, I would call it being in lust, too. lol I think everyone has to remember why they married in the first place and realize love changes with time. You have to think about the good things about a person and the bad things. If the good outweighs the bad love is still there.

Sandy said...

Edie, my husband and I are equally frugal, so we don't have to worry about gambling all our money away. I couldn't imagine letting anyone control our money though. lol

There are many things that cause a person to walk away from a relationship, but people need to realize it may be just as difficult in the next one. Thanks for your comment, Edie.

The Comeback Kid said...

Would you leave a loved one addicted to their cell phone? That could be worse than gambling.

Sandy said...

LOL Comeback Kid, that's a whole other topic. All young people are addicted to their cell phone, or texting, or eating. No, don't leave your loved one for that reason, but explain how you feel about it and see if they would be willing to cut back when you're around.

Melissa Keir said...

Betrayal and emotional abuse were the reasons I left my 20 year marriage. It didn't have to do with not loving, although at the end, there was a lot of anger and hate. Today, we are still friends. We grew up together and have two wonderful children. It didn't work for us but I'm okay with that. I feel that I gave it all I could. There was a line in the sand and that couldn't be fixed.

With your story, I would have a hard time with the betrayal. But if the person was willing to change and get help, I would work so hard to make it work. I wish you all the best with this new release!

Sandy said...

Melissa, thank you for being so honest. I think everyone has their own line.

Anonymous said...

Very interesting topic.

Thanks for posting.

Anonymous said...

Great post Sandy, I am blessed to have an amazing friend, lover and spouse for nearly 30 years! Just as in life their are ups and, lust, eternal friendship goes with all successful marriages. .we are proud of what we have accomplished and love to look in the rearview mirror at what we accomplished and contributed on this earth. We also look forward to all the exciting adventures ahead for hopefully another 30! ♥ carol

K.T. Bishop said...

I ran into financial trouble in 2007 and she found an exit to get out. I got myself together two years later and turned to writing Sports romantic E-books.
The Ex was bored and preferred being married to a rich man not a writer.
In the end, she got the so-called life. A child with a man who beat her up. Privately, people we used to hang with told me she wished we had a second chance. Not me. Glad to be rid of her.

Linda LaRoque said...

Interesting topic, Sandy. My newest book deals with one of these issues. I'm shopping for a publisher for Shattered Vows now. It's my first Inspirational Women's Fiction.

I love the cover for your new release and the title. Let us know when it's out.

Sandy said...

Anonymous, I'm glad you find this topic interesting.

Sandy said...

Anonymous/Carol, thank you for your lovely comment. Yes, there are a lot of ups and downs in any relationships, but we work through them.

Thanks for your comment, K.T., some people aren't willing to sacrifice, and your ex was one of them. It's too bad because one day you'll have what she wanted all along. Yes, you're well rid of her.

Linda, your new book sounds very interesting. Good luck with finding a publisher for it.

I love the cover, too. All Bets Are Off came out on Monday.